just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
two words...techno handjob
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
