On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
