Dude my mom stole all your condoms
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
