4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize