Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
