was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
