I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
