Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
