i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
