My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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