I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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