Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
