And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
