three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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