I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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