Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
