sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
