Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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