I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Even my vagina gasped.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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