ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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