I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
