Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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