On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's like heaven, but drunker
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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