Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
