your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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