Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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