So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
