You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
