I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
third nipple confirmed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
