I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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