dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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