none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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