Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My penis needs a shock collar
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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