I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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