he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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