Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
