he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
