dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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