So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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