Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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