Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
