I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
