I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
