I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
