Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
