Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
