I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
