You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
