she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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