the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
