i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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