i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Vodka?
Forever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
