all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
