Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
