yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
