Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
