By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
