The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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