I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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