I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
