Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
