yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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