So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
