Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
