hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
