I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
