No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
