I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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